"This Is Home"

So. I figured out why I was feeling better on Saturday. I always knew that I felt better, but I didn't want to post anything until I figured out why I felt better. And now I know, and it's pretty cool. And I'm convinced that I'm right on this; it's not the kind of thing where you're feeling bad, so you make excuses to make yourself feel better. I'm better, and I know why, so now I'm going to tell you why I was sad, and where the disconnect was and all that. But first, I'll tell you what happened after my walk on Saturday.

About 5 minutes after I got home from my walk, Mom and Megan came back home with Mighty Taco, and Dad finished the lawn, and all 4 of us ate dinner together. Mighty Taco, luckily, tasted the same as always, which is great. Then the doorbell rang and it was Topan-, I mean, Emily! She had previously told me that she couldn't come that day, but she could all along! She surprised me and brought me cookies and it was fantastic.

After I got over the shock, the two of us went to surprise Grandma Hahn, who just happened to be at Aunt Laurie's. So we drove there and got to see Grandma, Aunt Laurie, Robyn, Sarah, and Hannah. We only stayed for about 15 minutes, but it was so good to see them. After that, we went to visit Mrs. Graczyk and Hayden (Christina was out somewhere). Hayden has learned how to say "Uncle Dan" on the phone, which basically made my life, and I was hoping to hear him say it in real person. But alas, I forgot that I had a beard, and Hayden isn't a fan of guys in beards. Also, Emily was with me, and she looks a lot like his mother. So I basically never had a chance. He shyed away from me and kept going for Emily, but it was still so good to see him. He's getting really big. And I got to see him walk for the first time, so that was awesome. Next time I see him, I'll try to remember to shave.

After the Graczyks, we went back home, and from there we went to Houghton. It was Emily's first time at Houghton, and I was so happy to have her there and to show her my dorm and the quad and all that stuff. Plus, Emily and my family got to meet all my friends, which was awesome. I've got great friends at college. The 5 of us ate dinner together at this one restaurant that Mom, Dad, and I have been to before, then we came back to my room and watched a couple Looney Tunes. I love sharing my cartoons with people. The best was sharing them with Megan, because we watched a Foghorn Leghorn cartoon that me and her used to watch all the time at Grandma Hahn's house and she remembered it. That made me happy. After that, we basically just played UNO and then they left.

So that's what happened. Now, I'm going to explain why I felt so good after feeling so bad, which will also explain what exactly "home" means to me. Yesterday and Sunday, I wracked my brain trying to figure out what went wrong. I mean, everyone knows how nostalgic I am, so my first visit home should've felt like heaven, and it didn't. I went back to my journal and studied what happened and when, and the general timeline of when I felt bad, and the first moment I felt good after that. I discovered that the first time I came out of my funk was when we all had Mighty Taco. So then I decided, "ok, home is where the food is." And like 10 seconds later, I was like, "no, that's dumb." So then I looked closer at the Mighty Taco meal, and then I got it. The Mighty Taco meal made me happy not because it tasted good, but because I was with my parents and sister! And then I thought about it some more. When I first got home, I saw my family for like 10 minutes. Then Dad went out to cut the grass, and Megan and Mom went out. And then I was totally alone in my house, and it was awful. And then, they came back, and I was fine! So then I came to this conclusion, and it is totally valid and true and gives me peace:

Home is where the people you love are.

Think about it: The only time I felt bad and foreign was when I was wandering through the house by myself. That was the only time I was alone. After that, my family came back, and I was good. Then Emily came, and I was even better. Then I went to my aunt's house and saw her, my grandma, and my cousins and I felt even better. Then I saw Mrs. Graczyk and Hayden and felt even better! That's because I was with people, and it felt like home. It felt like home to be sitting at the dining room table with my family, because that's what we always did. It felt like home to see Grandma Hahn, Aunt Lauire, and Robyn because they've been part of my life since I was born, and it felt like home to be with Sarah and Hannah, because even though I'm much older than them, they're an integral part of my extended family, and they're currently the future of my mom's side of the family. Strangely enough, it felt more like home standing in Christina's driveway with her mother and son than it did to lie in my bed in my own room! But Mrs. Graczyk has always been like an aunt to me. So that's that. Home isn't made by buildings and rooms, but by people. I didn't feel at home when I was in my house, but I felt completely at home when I was surrounded with the people I love, the people who I left behind. And that is the answer to the problem, and now there's no problem whatsoever. Phew. And for a moment there, I actually was afraid I'd have to let go of something and move on. Well, I got by that one, and now Friz Freleng and I are going to go and celebrate!